| I miss u jenna. |
[Jun. 18th, 2006|07:04 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Tiny vessels- Death cab | ] |
I miss my friends..
even tho i only have a few..
the one's that i was closest to don't want to hang out..so i'm like...uhhh ok..
so yeah, I have a lot of relationship problems lately, and i'm not about to explain it all in my live journal, but lets just say that forgiveness isn't just a word that comes easily. I never knew how it felt to be so hurt that you would consider killing someone if it made you stop crying. The worst part is, is that i don't know if I made the right decision. I mean, I did what i think that i want..but i just don't know if that was a stupid move on my part. Most people would walk away from this situation and never talk to the person again, but i really can't do that. I don't know. I am just confused..and i have no one to talk to about it..cause apparently my friends are 'too busy' to even ask to hang out.
Anyways..my trip to ohio was good..I seriously wanted to kill my sister within the first hour of being in the car with her..and i spent 13 hours going there and 15 hours coming back..ugh. At least it is over. that's all i have to say. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2006|09:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | contemplative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Maybe | ] |
Tomorrow is my last day at tech and honestly, I think i am going to miss it. I mean, I am glad to be advancing but idk, i like being there everyday and getting respect for what i am good at doing..and to just get away from cvu..but i will tell you what, I am so glad that i do not have to deal with all of those annoying, emo-weird0o0o-sketchy kids anymore..well, at least until next year..yay so next week I pretty much get out of school at 11:30 everyday..and i have no idea what i am going to do..probably walk home, cause no one has free block and those who do, yeah..we won't go there. Anyways, on saturday I have SAT's..and i am sooo screwed. I really need to study..but i don't even know where to begin..I suck at math..plain and simple, and i am not about to memorize over a hundred words that i have never heard of in my life..and then I suck at writing..pretty much the only thing that i am good at is art..and I sure as hell know drawing isn't a part of the test..cause i would pass with flying colors if it was..hum. I had a good driving lesson today..perfect parallel parking..fucking right. Too bad my car is dead. wow. so pissed about that. I am going to get my licence and have nothing to drive. sweet. how siked am I!? ughhhhh. whatever. If worse comes to worse, I can drive my brother's car after he comes home (haha, yes, the standard civic with a body kit) not exactly what i call my 'dream car' but it will do..I go to Ohio next weekend..siked for that. I am def. NOT looking forward to 13 hours in the car with my mom, dad and SISTER..fucking a. I def need to charge my ipod the night before..too bad it will only last like, 8 hours..damnnnittt. AND I have to sit in the back of the t-ruck. which is about [ ] that big. litteraly. I am not looking forward to spending any time at all with my family..my mom and dad together is like hell on earth and then add my sister and it pretty much = hades. cause she is the devil. hah. kidding.
not really tho.
she is a bitch. a lot.
meh. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2006|05:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | awake | ] |
so I went to school today..last night my mom was like "she just doesn't want to go to school" cause i felt like shit and i was moping around..so i had to go today..and my dad came and got me during advisory to take me to the doctors..she said that i probably don't have a concussion but that the muscles in my back were inflamed and that it was 'most likely' pinching a nerve in my head..i was like okay..that's why my head hurts like hell, not my back. right. whatever. I am going to go to practice and tough it out..obviously my parents and even my doctor don't think it's anything to worry about so I won't worry abotu it either. I'm just going to pretend like nothing is wrong cause that's what they are doing to me.
I gtg.
my tummy hurts.
cause i ate.
damn it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 29th, 2006|06:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Vulnerable | ] |
So the Dartmouth tournement was a success..we won overall..and i may have a concussion..sweet.
My head hurts like hell, along with my spine and neck and i feel like i am going to throw up and my parents are just like "aw poor sammy, I will try to get you into the chyropractor's sometime this week" ...yeah, probably like thursday or friday..ugh. this sucks so badly..nicks mom was more than willing to take me to the hospital to get a cat scan of my head and back and all my parents can say is "I will try to get you in"...great. She was like "you really need to see someone today and tomorrow at the latest" and my parents could care less. I feel like shit. Today is my mom's b-day and I am not going to ruin it for her so i am trying to suck it up. My sister is coming her along with nick..oh fucking joy. I really don't feel like hearing her voice..something about it bugs the hell out of me and i already feel like shit so i don't need her adding to it. facck.
I don't want to go to school tomorrow.
maybe my parents will let me stay home..
doubt it tho. |
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| do I seem familiar I've crossed you in hallways a thousand times |
[May. 19th, 2006|07:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | oh it's love | ] |
So I feel like I am losing my best friend..we don't really talk much anymore and we def don't hang out as much as we used to..it has a lot to do with other people taking my place and being able to/her wanting to hang out with them more often..and i mean, she can have other friends and be good friends with them and hang out, i have no problem with that..I just feel like I'm never the one that she wants to hang out with..whatever, i guess i can deal it's just depressing to know that the person that i used to be able to talk to whenever about whatever isn't really there anymore. and i miss her. a lot.
Other wise, things are really good. I am head over heals for nick and I could really care less about what other people think..I don't care if you don't like him, if you've had problems with him in the past or if you do now..I really don't care because i love him, and that is all that matters. I never thought that i could feel the same about him as i did before, but now, I feel more for him than i ever have. We've been going through a lot of stuff lately and i think it's been making both of us stronger individually and as a couple..idk, i guess all i can say is that things happen for a reason, and for this reason, i am very greatful. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2006|05:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | love my sex | ] |
Updating so jenna has something to read..
and just to get back into making entries..cause i haven't in forever..so prom was um..interesting? I guess..idk, I left early to hang out with nick and talk and fix things..and i felt like such a bitch caue i left max just hanging there..but yeah, thank god he is a good person and forgave me..it probably effected him more then he is letting on to, but i said all that i could and did all that i could so i guess i can't do anything else..but lately my friends are kind of distant..idk what it is and i don't know if it's something that i am doing wrong..but i kind of feel like people are taking my place (you know what i am talking about and who this is referring to..) but idk..I am just trying to finish school and get through the end of the year on a good note..and there is so much going on that i am so lost..and I have been feeling really sick lately, so that doesn't help..I think that i am going to go to Ohio for my brother's graduation..meaning that i have to take my 2 exams on make-up day..which is fine by me..but yeah, I am kind of siked about that..and I can either get my licence the week before exams or when i get back..I doubt that i will even be done lessons by then..I have my fourth one on thursday..and there are 8..and there are only 3 weeks of school left..you do the math. ughh fucking CVU..i hate it.
So soccer was canceled for today..i am kind of glad cause i don't feel good and I was really tired and yeah, I am just glad that i didn't have to spend 3 and a half hours in the car play 2 games and then drive home..this is kind of getting to be annoying..cause we drive for like, one actual game and then leave..hum..well anyways happy mom's day to all of the madre's out there..I am going to go make my mommy dinner.
because i love her.
yayy
ps..liz you are amazing and beautiful and boys are retarded, so don't let it bother you..you are great and they are lame..you win in the end. haha i love you a lot |
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| Wondering these streets.. |
[Apr. 23rd, 2006|05:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | For you i will | ] |
So this vacation in pretty much going to suck. Jenna is already gone and in florida until friday and nick leaves tomorrow..i mean, i still have all of my other friends and i plan on spending a lot of time with them..but i am just going to be bumming without my two favorite people.Actually, I am probably going to sit on my ass and do nothing all vacation and be all "you shouuld have called me"..yeah. Today i went to Plattsburg for soccer..and oh my god. So we had to had to have girls from the U15 group fill in cause we didn't have enough players..and we lost, because of them..ugh, I am so pissed. Anyways, I scored, once, it's not like it made a difference in that game cause it was the worst team EVER and it was 1-5, so yeah..
lame. |
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| Loving me loving me say that you love me |
[Apr. 17th, 2006|03:13 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lovefool | ] |
Today I got in my first car accident..it was pretty sweet. Mike decided that we needed to go on main street to see the pink tux in old gold that he wants and he was all "mmmmm I'm a piiiimmmppp" and then all the sudden WHAM.."FUCK!" hah yeahh the guy got out and was like "eh, whatever, don't worry about it, it's just plastic" cause there were only a few scratches..but oh man, it was so scary..like, I can't even imagine what it's like to get in an accident going fast..hum.
So everyone is going away for vacation..it's quite sad really..
I am losing Jenna and Nick to florida
well actually, it's just those two that are going away..but that = sadness still..I don't even know what i am going to do with myself..I am probably going to try to find a prom dress and whatnot and then just hang out with people that i haven't seen in forever.
yeah, that's what i am going to do. |
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| Stop now there's no point in breathing |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|03:27 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Runaway | ] |
yeah, nice, good thing i'm not fat and i'm not a lesbian..good come back, really...I'm impressed with you..your comments are getting better and better.
So pretty much people that leave me rude comments are just plain retarded. I mean common, I know who you are, so why do you have to be such a pussy and not write your name? cause you're immature and an asshole..that's why..
ANYWAYS.
Max and i are offically going to prom together. I must say, I am VERY siked.
cause i don't have to worry about a boyfriend and all of that blahhneesss
and i can just have fun with my friends.
yay for me and max. cause we are the coolest people. ever. |
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| It's a myth to say i've become strong.. |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|10:25 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | school | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Everything you need- GOOD SONG | ] |
So I am sitting in history class with nothing to do because i finished my project last class..Jenna and Max are on the holocaust trip..fuckers..haha i misshhooo. I am trying to do my movie screen prelims but agh,i am so bored. I am supposed to talk to the cops tonight..like, actually talk to the cops..I am affraid that they aren't going to believe me..but then again, why the hell would i make something like this up..seriously..hum. Last night i decided that i was going to be stubborn and be like "if sean wants to talk to me, he will call me.." guess he didn't want to talk to me, cause he never called..ugh. I've realized that when u really stop caring and trying, it really does just fall appart..I've been trying hard to make it work and keep it going with him but it's like he doesn't want to..so how is that supposed to make ME feel...I mean, I know that i haven't been fair to him and that things haven't been the greatest lately, but obviously there is something going on that i am missing..whatever..so yeah i guess i am on prom court? yeahhh jenna and max and i guess other people nominated me..and the bad part is that it's a joke..the even worse part, i want to win now..i know that i'm not going to but i guess it's nice to know that people love you, or just find it funny to nominate someone to be prom queen like Mayghan Arnuco..i feel bad for her cause she thinks that people WANT her to be prom queen..but it's not like they really want ME to be either..and then there is al-leigh..a gorgeous girl that i have no chance against cause she is fake and nice to everyone and dresses like a whore..ugh..so much for that idea..at least i was nominated i guess..it's the thought that counts. |
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| there's an episode of go die on, GO WATCH IT. |
[Apr. 2nd, 2006|05:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Fly as the sky | ] |
So i love when people try to make up stories so that their families don't get busted..first of all, eyes don't lie..it's not like, wait, nvm, I'm not going to even say it.. anyways, the fact that i wasn't the only one that saw it is even more proof..because it's not like I was mistaken..so *you know who you are* do NOT tell me what i saw, because you really have no idea..and don't threaten to "talk smack" about my family..#1, I'm not talking smack, I am telling something that HAPPENED to me..#2, I haven't even really told anyone..I told 2 of my best friends from our school, my BOYFRIEND and my family..I don't really call that spreading rumors..and #3, who the hell do u think i am? I am not stupid, so don't try to make up lies and try to defend your family when you weren't there, you have NO IDEA what i saw and what nick saw, so please, save yourself the remorse and get the fuck over it. It happened, your dad is going to get in a lot of trouble and there is nothing you can do to change that.
the end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2006|10:22 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | school | ] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Screenwriting an apology | ] |
ooohhkkayy so apparently i can't write anything personal in this, well, involving other people anyways cause they flip out and are like "TAKE IT OUT-NOW!! so yeahh pretty much, if you are close enough to me, you know what i am talking about..and it's not even like people know who i am talking about..hum. I guess my dad is going to talk to the cops about it tho..i probably should have done that yesterday after it happened, but i was just so shocked that i didn't even know what to do..
hum.
this is boring.
soooooo tomorrow is the banquet thing with nick..sean is flipping out still that i am going, but nick and i are FRIENDS..g-sus. It's not like I am only going with him..it's his FAMILY that i am going for.. He def doesn't trust me..like, he asked me if nick came into my house yesterday when he dropped me off..I was like "uhh..why the hell would he come into my house?" sooo apparently he thinks that i am a whore now..oh good. I love the fact that my boyfriend ASKS OTHER pEOpLE (the capital p's don't work on this keyboard, dammmittt)things before he will ask me..and it drives me INSANE that he talks about other people's relationships more than our own..I like, ugh i don't even knowwww.I am just so sick of him not telling me things..cause as much as i have gotten over everything, he obviously hasn't. hum. I am just sick of everything lately.
maybe i should move.
or not talk.
but jenna just calls me emo when i do that.
emo = being sad about life
I = sad about sean
jenna = donnnkkkaayyy
bong + key = ?
meh.
I guess i am done. |
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| my brother comes home in 74 days =]]]]]] |
[Mar. 30th, 2006|07:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 100% pure love | ] |
oh good. so this morning i have already succeeded in missing the bus. hah. it was actually kind of funny tho so I'm not mad about it..and my mommy is bringing meeee. so yeah, I am bored. I am actually in a really good mood today for some reason..I didn't get a lot of sleep last night cause i went to bed at like, 12, but other than that, I'm not all depressed anymore. YAY for me. ANDD tonight i get to go to applebees with my parents. haha yessssssssssss. (kidding.) but at least my dad is making an effort to act like a family some of the time. I am trying to help my brother out to sell his car and i have someone that might buy it..so that's cool i guess..I just really feel bad because he feels like he was pushed into this career and he hates life..haha eeeemmooooo. but seriously. I cannot WAIT until he is home..even tho he's probably not going to want to hang out with me..at least i will have someone to talk to in the house..and now that i am older we kind of have more to talk about..so yeahhh anyways, I at least want to have the downstairs done so that he can move into it..hum. I just feel like I need to do extra things to help my brother out and stuff just cause he is having a tough time getting through life. Sounds kind of familiar.
wow.
anyways, we will just see how this day turns out.
the end.
for now. |
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| being alive, feeling so, dead... |
[Mar. 28th, 2006|05:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Single silver bullet | ] |
I seriously don't know what is going on with me lately..one day i will feel one way and the next day i feel another..it's like i can't keep a steady emotion cause really, they are all over the place. I wish that i had someone that i could just say every little thing to without the fear that they will tell someone else or what they will think..I feel like keeping to myself has only made things worse because I let myself nag and nag until there is nothing left. I feel like the friends that i do open up are only going to tell other people, so i don't feel like i really CAN open up anymore..and with my boyfriend, oh god, I feel like I can't tell him ANYTHING anymore..I feel like a closed book to the world just because of other people. Maybe I need a therapist..now there's an idea. At least they wouldn't be able to judge me, point out my faults or tell other people..too bad my parents wouldn't pay for one..fack. whatever.I've returned to old habbits..and those shall remain undefined..but i am kind of sad that it has ended up that bad..i mean, i thought that i was over that and i would never do it again, but i did..and it actually did make me feel better..so yeah. End of that story..and don't ask me what it is, cause i'm not going to tell. Along with everything going on right now, I am slacking on all of my school work..I am so sick of trying so hard and not getting anywhere at all..I suck at math, and the teacher pretty much lets me know that i suck at life and is like "I don't even know what you were doing here" on answers that i thought i had right..and then with art, I'm just not trying as hard as i used to. I feel like I'm not passionate about anything lately..like I could pretty much care less. yeah, that's all i care to write about for now.
sad story, really. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|09:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cold | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ender will save us all | ] |
I seriously can't take this anymore.
I fucking hate everyone and hate life.
THIS is why I don't open up, thanks.
going to 'go die' now, just like everyone wants. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|04:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Swing life away | ] |
Okay-
so my live journal is making a come back because I am wicked bored right now,
and I need to use the space i have to write down my feelings, instead of using jenna's comment space.
So drama really needs to end between people right now..honestly, hate clubs and shit like that are for 5th graders, and i don't get why that was even brought up. But seriously, get over your issues cause it's fucking annoying as hell to hear "I am over drama" when you're the one making another screen name just to harrass someone that blocked you because they didn't want to have to deal with YOUR drama..wow. okay. I am done talking about this for the rest of my life.
Other wise, things are fucked.
I've been more depressed lately then i think i ever have been and I am trying to act like nothing is wrong but apparently people can see through that. I'm not even being like ughh I am so upset or anything like that, I am just not happy like i used to be. Those reading this are probably like "what does SHE have to be depressed about.." and really, if you knew half of it, you would understand.
Oh yeah- bitches need to die, by the way..cause sean is mine, and even if things we not to work, don't ever think that you would get him. ew.
anyways, enough with tangents..
A lot of people piss me off lately. like seriously, I really am wishing death upon a few..even as horrible as that is, life would be sooo much easier without them here. I've realized that is why i only have a few close friends and that is it..cause i am such a bitch to everyone else that everyone pretty much hates me or just doesn't know me and assumes that i am a bitch anyways..and i also realized that is why i like going to tech so much..is cause i get away from all of the drama and shit going on at CVU and get to do something that i love and am good at. Even though I never see anyone from CVU, I am okay with that, I would rather not, truthfully. I am debating even going to prom because I know it is going to be a bust. I don't even know. I guess i am just bitter about life at this point, plain and simple. |
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| i love you |
[Feb. 10th, 2006|04:33 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  nauseated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | More than anyone | ] |
HAPPY 5 MONTHS SEAN!
I love you more than anything.
<333333
[I don't feel so good] =( |
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| how siked am i? |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|06:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Panic at the disco.. | ] |
whoaaaaa
tomorrow = 5 months
4 days = V-day
8 days = winterball
13 days = FLORIDA.
[fuck yea]. |
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kissesnhugs117's journal
